It Could Have Been a Commerical for Jergens

I prepared to defend myself and my students against winter this morning, going to school armed with an extra-large box of Kleenex and a jumbo-sized bottle of Super Moisturizing lotion. I had no idea the power of this apparent novelty. The minute the first student noticed the lotion, all control of the class was relinquished to this plastic bottle, which was passed around from woman to woman for at least 10 minutes. They lotioned up their hands, their arms, even their faces (Ae first cleared its safety with me, pretending to rub her face: "Teach-ah, okay?"). The whole scene was repeated about an hour later, while I tried to in vain to keep them interested in the past tense.

The lone man in the class took it in stride--"I old, I tsis (don't) need!"--and then came the inevitable question from the women: "Teach-ah, how much?"

I left class today with $60 in cash, and thirteen orders for 16oz bottles of lotion. They will be Minnesotans yet.